Loud Noise and Pictures

Dear Madonna,

Please put some pants on.

No one wanted to see you thrust your cunt at the camera ten years ago. No one wants to see it now.

We all know you have a pretty amazing body, for an old bitch, thanks to whatever pseudo religious/spiritual fitness regime you happen to be practicing this week, but for the love of god – put it away!

I know you were considerably younger when it happened, but don’t you remember the leather and fishnet debacle that was Cher’s ‘Turn Back Time’ video clip from 1988? Old women + leotard = no no no no no no!!!

But what do we see? Your latest album (what I can only imagine is a remake of Counting Crows’ 2002 album, ‘Hard Candy’) has you on the cover wearing what could possibly be WWE ring attire, mouth suggestively open and legs akimbo so your womanhood is featured front and centre.

I understand you want to look and feel sexy – but it is still possible to do so while wearing clothes.

Those ‘dances’ you’re doing too aren’t helping you either. The ‘Hung Up’ video clip comes to mind. Then there’s that bewilderment of a song with Justin Timberlake ‘4 Minutes’ which clocks in at a confusing 4.04 minutes in length.

I think whoever assigned Brittney a therapist has also assigned Madds a stylist.

Put it away – please.